I can remember the day when I went home for Thanksgiving. I had been up at school for a few months and was excited but a little worried as well. I hadn't played videogames for the majority of the time that I was at school and I was feeling pretty good about my free time. I knew that when I would get home my siblings would want to play with me, but I was pretty certain that I could resist. That resolve didn't last very long and I ended up getting back into videogames.
As I was thinking about this experience the idea that the family is a system and each member plays a role made a lot of sense. When I went home I reverted back to my old role in the family which influenced me to not disappoint my siblings by saying no. What I shared was an example with really small consequences and outcomes, but I couldn't help to think about how difficult it is for people who are trying to make major changes in their life who fall into old roles without even realizing it. I think that just being aware that systems tend to resist change can help people who are trying to change be aware and prepare themselves for when somebody reminds them that what they are doing isn't how they "normally" act. Maybe instead we can say "wait a minute, that is how I acted in the past, but now I'm trying to change". I don't know how that will play out in every family, but I believe that by just saying and thinking that it will strengthen ones resolve to change.
Now, a side note: I am not saying that families are bad. In fact, I believe that a good family will support its members who are trying to make changes for the better. So lets help our family by improving ourselves and making sure that we don't hold each other back. We can do this.
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