In chapter 7 of John Van Epp's book "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" it talks about how looking at the relationships that our dates have to other people will reflect eventually in marriage. It was an interesting thought but one that I think is a powerful one. Overtime through a long period of dating involving many different situations you can begin to understand who you are dating and what they will be like in marriage. John Epp did a really good job of mentioning that this doesn't only apply to how your date acts around their family and friends. It also includes how they treat waiters, cashiers, and other people in general. By seeing the overall reaction of a date to these kinds of people and different circumstances we can get a picture of what our marriage will be like in the ups and downs and overall. If our date treats a lot of people in negative ways then maybe we should consider how they might end up treating us eventually when things have gotten comfortable and more relaxed in marriage.
As I was thinking about this idea I started to think about my own relationships with people and how I treat them. I realized that there were a few things that I wasn't to proud of that I should change. It was just interesting to me to see certain patterns that I had been totally oblivious to before hand. I believe that it is when we have choices that we can change. Because I have a choice now whether or not I will remain in the same patterns I can choose to change. I can take this lesson and effectively start to learn how to avoid being a jerk that people end up marrying. I would encourage anybody who honestly wants to have a good relationship to think about how they treat others who aren't their date and readjust when they notice patterns that they don't like. So while we are avoiding marrying jerks, lets make sure that we are avoiding becoming jerks ourselves.
How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk Chapter 7 Check this out for more of Epp's great advice.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Saturday, May 21, 2016
My thoughts on banning conversion therapy
I know that this is a controversial topic right now and that this may offend a lot of people, however, I will continue. At the end of this Post I will add all of my sources so you can look through them and do studying of your own.
So, I have a problem. Specifically with the States California, New Jersey, Illinois, Oregon. I also have a problem with Whitehouse in this specific area. I do not agree that we should ban all conversion therapy in our country, especially for minors. That severely limits the possibilities for people who struggle with Same Sex attraction but don't want to be gay. People can change. Not everybody wants to, and that is just fine, but we need to make sure that we allow people a chance to change and become what they want to. I will tell you why this bothers me so much. I want to be a therapist, I want to be able to help people through their personal challenges and struggles. With a law like this it makes it all but impossible to talk about . The petition Leelah's Law to Ban All LGBTQ+ Conversion Therapy puts therapy in a dark light by implying that when therapists go through this process that they attempt to "brainwash" their clients. Now I understand the petition's main concern is for children and adolescents who aren't in charge of their own legal rights and don't want to go to therapy. I just think that it is a shame to kill a therapy that has helped people change. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM)
We shouldn't ban a therapy unless it is proven useless. Fun fact about this therapy is the APA states in their brief that "There are no studies of adequate scientific rigor to conclude whether or not recent SOCE do or do not work to change a person's sexual orientation." (http://www.apa.org/about/policy/sexual-orientation.pdf) We should do more research before we blatantly make laws that could prove more harmful than useful in the future when evidence does come through.
The Recap:
We should only change the availabilities of therapy and other resources if they prove completely dangerous and inefficient.
We need to care for the well-being of everyone and protect the importance of human life.
Perhaps the most important: We need to allow people who want to change the chance to do so, while at the same time not forcing anyone to change. We are all Children of God, so lets start acting like it.
Side note:
I just want to make a quick comment about Same Sex-Attraction vs Gay. Often times we mistakenly use the words to mean the same thing. Same-Sex Attraction means that the individual has some level of attraction towards their same sex(this attraction is mostly a desire for intimacy, not purely sexual). The attraction can be anywhere on a scale from weak to strong. The word Gay is used as an identity. It means that the person identify themselves according to their Same-Sex attraction and embrace the ideals that come with the gay culture.
Extra Sources:
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/106717-Campus.Reference.FAML160/assets/byrd_article.pdf?attachment=1&_&d2lSessionVal=wx3Y8bp5oI19HXsqLBl9Qw1Tm
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/106717-Campus.Reference.FAML160/assets/Understanding%20Same-Sex%20Attraction.pdf?attachment=1&_&d2lSessionVal=wx3Y8bp5oI19HXsqLBl9Qw1Tm
So, I have a problem. Specifically with the States California, New Jersey, Illinois, Oregon. I also have a problem with Whitehouse in this specific area. I do not agree that we should ban all conversion therapy in our country, especially for minors. That severely limits the possibilities for people who struggle with Same Sex attraction but don't want to be gay. People can change. Not everybody wants to, and that is just fine, but we need to make sure that we allow people a chance to change and become what they want to. I will tell you why this bothers me so much. I want to be a therapist, I want to be able to help people through their personal challenges and struggles. With a law like this it makes it all but impossible to talk about . The petition Leelah's Law to Ban All LGBTQ+ Conversion Therapy puts therapy in a dark light by implying that when therapists go through this process that they attempt to "brainwash" their clients. Now I understand the petition's main concern is for children and adolescents who aren't in charge of their own legal rights and don't want to go to therapy. I just think that it is a shame to kill a therapy that has helped people change. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM)
We shouldn't ban a therapy unless it is proven useless. Fun fact about this therapy is the APA states in their brief that "There are no studies of adequate scientific rigor to conclude whether or not recent SOCE do or do not work to change a person's sexual orientation." (http://www.apa.org/about/policy/sexual-orientation.pdf) We should do more research before we blatantly make laws that could prove more harmful than useful in the future when evidence does come through.
The Recap:
We should only change the availabilities of therapy and other resources if they prove completely dangerous and inefficient.
We need to care for the well-being of everyone and protect the importance of human life.
Perhaps the most important: We need to allow people who want to change the chance to do so, while at the same time not forcing anyone to change. We are all Children of God, so lets start acting like it.
Side note:
I just want to make a quick comment about Same Sex-Attraction vs Gay. Often times we mistakenly use the words to mean the same thing. Same-Sex Attraction means that the individual has some level of attraction towards their same sex(this attraction is mostly a desire for intimacy, not purely sexual). The attraction can be anywhere on a scale from weak to strong. The word Gay is used as an identity. It means that the person identify themselves according to their Same-Sex attraction and embrace the ideals that come with the gay culture.
Extra Sources:
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/106717-Campus.Reference.FAML160/assets/byrd_article.pdf?attachment=1&_&d2lSessionVal=wx3Y8bp5oI19HXsqLBl9Qw1Tm
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/106717-Campus.Reference.FAML160/assets/Understanding%20Same-Sex%20Attraction.pdf?attachment=1&_&d2lSessionVal=wx3Y8bp5oI19HXsqLBl9Qw1Tm
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Our Personal Cultures
As I have grown up there were things that I didn't particularly like. I would promise myself that "when I grow up I will do this" and "I won't do that..." It seems so silly to me now, but when I was younger I was dead serious. Now just so you don't get the wrong idea; I grew up with wonderful parents and siblings and I am so grateful that I am part of my family. My point is that there are parts of our cultures that we don't like, and parts that we adore. An example of something I love in my own family is that everyone can tease and playfully talk to one another. These remarks from each of us usually lead to laughter. This and other aspects of my personal family culture has affected how I think and interact with other people. I don't know if you have every had an experience where you went into somebody's house and noticed how they interacted with one another. If that has ever happened to you, have you ever felt a little awkward? I have and most times it wasn't even because they were doing something bad. Just eating with a different family or friends can be strange and interesting because of differences in the family cultures(and other cultures as well) that we were raised in. Think about your own experiences with family and friends. As you are thinking about your own culture what would you change if you could?
Why is this important? Well, honestly the cultures that we grow up in will continue to influence us throughout our lives and if we don't change then our children will grow up in a similar culture for better or for worse. Another reason why understanding our personal culture is important is because it can give us important insights into the cultures of other people. We may never fully understand why they do things, but we can definitely learn from them if we pay attention. For example we may learn something that we want to apply to our families. So what is your personal culture? Lets all take some time to think about how we have been influenced by our cultures and take some time to honestly think about how we can improve ourselves.
Why is this important? Well, honestly the cultures that we grow up in will continue to influence us throughout our lives and if we don't change then our children will grow up in a similar culture for better or for worse. Another reason why understanding our personal culture is important is because it can give us important insights into the cultures of other people. We may never fully understand why they do things, but we can definitely learn from them if we pay attention. For example we may learn something that we want to apply to our families. So what is your personal culture? Lets all take some time to think about how we have been influenced by our cultures and take some time to honestly think about how we can improve ourselves.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
The ripple: Our choices
Have you ever seen a body of water when it is raining? The plopping of the water and the stirred water make a sight that is worth getting a little wet. Not every raindrop creates the same size of a ripple, but as they fall they cause ripples that affect a lot of the water. I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Do my own choices cause ripples? Can the choices that other people make cause a ripple in my life?
In my Family 160 class we had a discussion on whether or not the amount of children we have affected other people. I have always considered this topic a private one between a couple and the Lord, but it was interesting to think that something so private could cause ripples in the lives of other people. This might seem a little silly to some people but I could see the possibilities of how it applies. The children we have will grow up in this world, and go on to affect those around them in some degree or another. On the topic of children there is a great documentary that explains the consequences that having less children actually causes to an economy. (by less children I mean less than what is needed for positive population growth.) I think that this is something that we need to be aware of, but ultimately the decision is still personal and comes down to the couple and (in my opinion) the Lord. Now many people argue that their choices only affect them, but I don't think that is the case. Can you imagine ripples next to each other that get closer and then just vanish without contact? I guess what I really am trying to say is that we should be careful with how we treat things around us. Especially when it comes to marriage, family, and other interpersonal relationships. Lets be a ripple of good in this life.
More Info: If you want to learn more about how our choices on fertility affect each other then you should really watch The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter. You can find both parts for free here:http://www.byutv.org/show/5e819b00-5e99-4bf4-931e-c154d3c2dc8d/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter
More Info: If you want to learn more about how our choices on fertility affect each other then you should really watch The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter. You can find both parts for free here:http://www.byutv.org/show/5e819b00-5e99-4bf4-931e-c154d3c2dc8d/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter
Change and the Family System
I can remember the day when I went home for Thanksgiving. I had been up at school for a few months and was excited but a little worried as well. I hadn't played videogames for the majority of the time that I was at school and I was feeling pretty good about my free time. I knew that when I would get home my siblings would want to play with me, but I was pretty certain that I could resist. That resolve didn't last very long and I ended up getting back into videogames.
As I was thinking about this experience the idea that the family is a system and each member plays a role made a lot of sense. When I went home I reverted back to my old role in the family which influenced me to not disappoint my siblings by saying no. What I shared was an example with really small consequences and outcomes, but I couldn't help to think about how difficult it is for people who are trying to make major changes in their life who fall into old roles without even realizing it. I think that just being aware that systems tend to resist change can help people who are trying to change be aware and prepare themselves for when somebody reminds them that what they are doing isn't how they "normally" act. Maybe instead we can say "wait a minute, that is how I acted in the past, but now I'm trying to change". I don't know how that will play out in every family, but I believe that by just saying and thinking that it will strengthen ones resolve to change.
Now, a side note: I am not saying that families are bad. In fact, I believe that a good family will support its members who are trying to make changes for the better. So lets help our family by improving ourselves and making sure that we don't hold each other back. We can do this.
As I was thinking about this experience the idea that the family is a system and each member plays a role made a lot of sense. When I went home I reverted back to my old role in the family which influenced me to not disappoint my siblings by saying no. What I shared was an example with really small consequences and outcomes, but I couldn't help to think about how difficult it is for people who are trying to make major changes in their life who fall into old roles without even realizing it. I think that just being aware that systems tend to resist change can help people who are trying to change be aware and prepare themselves for when somebody reminds them that what they are doing isn't how they "normally" act. Maybe instead we can say "wait a minute, that is how I acted in the past, but now I'm trying to change". I don't know how that will play out in every family, but I believe that by just saying and thinking that it will strengthen ones resolve to change.
Now, a side note: I am not saying that families are bad. In fact, I believe that a good family will support its members who are trying to make changes for the better. So lets help our family by improving ourselves and making sure that we don't hold each other back. We can do this.
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