The power of Communication

For a majority of my life I have heard many people in conversations say that the most important thing in any relationship is open communication.  I never really gave this much thought other than about how hard it would be for me to share everything that popped into my head with somebody.  That always frightened me, because like most people sometimes I am not thinking the most kind things about people or situations.  It would probably be more destructive to a relationship to share everything I thought.  Luckily, the key to a good relationship is effective communication.  There is a need to be honest, kind, and open when talking with someone important to you.  It helps when both people can feel like they are free to say the things that matter to them and to the relationship.  By establishing this kind of communication early on in relationships couples will have better insights into solving arguments than those who have closed communication.
Another solid practice that can help with communication and understanding is to confirm with your significant other what they said.  I know that I have gotten into many stupid situations because I thought I heard someone say something that they didn't.  By asking someone, "Is this what you mean?" and then relaying what you heard it will be easier to avoid possible misunderstandings with people and avoid frustrating situations.  In this world of so much conversations going on, between our phones, emails, facebook, and people around us it can be very easy to misunderstand something that we hear because we weren't really listening or they casually mentioned it.  It would be in everyone's benefit to learn how to listen and how to communicate clearly.  Really it comes down to the amount of time that we want to devote.

Dealing with Stress

Everybody goes through stressful events in this life.  Eventually everyone will go through some kind of crisis as well.  It would be helpful for everyone to develop the skills and attitudes that help deal with stress and crisis.  For me I can the tell the difference between trying to deal with something in a good way or just putting it off.  I have to admit that I use denial way more than I would like.  Having had this type of coping mechanism though, I have come to realize that in some ways denial can be useful for gathering appropriate resources to deal with a problem, however when taken to the extreme usage of denial it will only prolong and worsen stress which could eventually lead to a crisis in of its self.  A healthy coping mechanism that can help with stress is to face the problem head on and to recognize it for what it really is.  This process actually includes two coping processes, the first is facing the trial which is the obvious one.  The second is re-framing the stress in your mind.  re-framing isn't denying or putting off the problem, it is rather saying something like this, "I know that right now this is going on... but it won't last forever so I can do this."  By doing this it can help us reduce the stress and gain the courage to continue forward.

Now before I end, I really want to mention a coping mechanism that has worked wonders for me.  Prayer has really helped me as I turn to the Lord and give him all of my thoughts and work with him to re-frame them.  I know that a lot of people won't find this useful for them, but for me talking to my Heavenly Father has helped me understand what I'm going through and given me ideas on what I can do to survive/continue forward.  If you are dealing with something that is super stressful and nothing else seems to work I would recommend prayer.  We will all face stress and crisis eventually, so lets make sure that we are prepared to deal with them when they come.

Love making shouldn't have the worth of pretzels

Sexual intimacy is a super important part of marriage.  Sex in a marriage can either bring the couple closer together or further apart and the result depends largely upon what each individual is trying to get out of the experience.  Healthy sexual intimacy is based on loving intent and communication.  It is obvious to me that with two different individuals, with different comforts and likes, would need to communicate openly about what feels nice and what doesn't.  Sexual intimacy is something that should be treated like large wrapped gift from a rich family member.  It should be unwrapped carefully by both individuals in the couple, by rushing and aggressively unwrapping the present the couple(or an individual in the couple) might damage the very thing that should have meant so much more to them.  This metaphor works both with virgins and people who have had other sexual experiences because for every newly wedded couple the sexual intimacy is going to be a new experience between them.  There is no cookie cutter method that fits all because everyone is different, that is why open communication and loving care to your partner are so important.

To finish this blog off I want to end by mentioning that when I was growing up I learned from wise mentors around me that people in our society give kisses and other intimate gestures like pretzels.  With the news, media, and songs that are so prevalent in our society I have grown to think that a lot of people treat sex like it is a pretzel now, something that is delicious but ultimately worth nothing.  Our society has moved further away from love making towards sex.  Lets bring the love back and make the relationships that matter to us more precious.  

Strengthening Couple Bonds

Marriage is a difficult experience.  It is difficult for various reasons and often each couple has unique challenges in their marriage.  Individual challenges aside, there are somethings that are hard for most couples to adjust to and one of those things is childbirth.  There are several things that we can do to help avoid some of the struggles that come from this hard time.  One of the most important things that I suggest is to make sure that couples work on their relationship often and openly.  Growing up Friday night has almost always been date night for my parents.  They would leave me and my four siblings at home and go watch a movie and eat dinner together.  This has always stood out to me, when I was young it was a little annoyed that I couldn't go have fun with them, but I realize now that by keeping that night separate for their relationship was a way that they could connect one on one and strengthen their marriage that way.  Another thing that can be done to strengthen a couple's relationship is by involving the husband in the prenatal and postnatal processes of childbirth.  This is of course assuming that the husband is willing to participate and get excited with the wife.  The wife has a challenging time with pregnancy, however she also has a chance to bond with the child before they are born.  A woman can involve her husband by describing what it feels like when the baby kicks.  Perhaps the most important thing about coming closer during this time is to look towards each other for help and support and not mainly on extended family.  Another vital thing to do for the family to bond is to have the husband in the delivery room with the wife.  It should be an experience that is shared between the couple.
I understand that not every couple will have the chance to do many of the things in here.  The most important thing to remember is that the couple needs to focus on building a strong and healthy relationship with each other.  If anything starts dragging the couple apart then steps should be taken by the couple to protect what their relationship as husband and wife.  Overall this means work from both the Husband and the Wife.